Love.

I have never been “in love”, in the romantic sense, but I would like to think that I am familiar with love. There’s a whole lot of people in my life who I fiercely love. There’s people in my life who are hard to love and more who are easy to love, but I try my best to love well.

The more I think about this whole Christianity thing…sifting through different theologies and beliefs, muddling through all the opinions, hearing the same passage of scripture interpreted in five different ways to support a certain point of view, rock hard definitions of what Christianity should or shouldn’t look like, attending church services and coming away with more questions than answers, the more I realize all of that is secondary and really it can all come down to one thing…love.

God is love. That’s it. It’s actually pretty simple, why do we make it so complicated? This simple truth that God is love, God loves us, therefore we need to love each other. It’s not as complicated as I think we make it.

I think this is why it’s always been hard for me to come to grips with people who claim to love Jesus, but are racist, who call homosexual people names, and who have no tolerance for people that look, act, or believe differently than them. It’s why it’s hard for me to wrap my head around how a pastor can preach a fear-mongering sermon against people who are different than them or how people post articles promoting division and conflict. I know I and others are in no way perfect, but to so blatantly promote hate and anything other than love, just doesn't make sense to me.

Typically, I try at all costs to avoid “hot topic” issues and controversial things, if it doesn’t breed peace and harmony, I usually stay as far away as possible, but in the spirit of being unafraid this year, I feel like I can’t keep my mouth shut anymore. I want to engage people in conversations that can lead to understanding and acceptance, even knowing that doesn’t mean we will always agree.

The fact that I can still read a racist comment about our president or see Facebook blow up about what happened at the Grammy’s or read articles about how people are mad “America the Beautiful” wasn’t sung in English makes me sick and I don’t understand it. Why are Christians spreading so much hate? How does that even make sense?

I love how The Message version says this in 1 John, “If anyone boasts, “I love God,” and goes right on hating his brother or sister, thinking nothing of it, he is a liar. If he won’t love the person he can see, how can he love the God he can’t see? The command we have from Christ is blunt: Loving God includes loving people. You’ve got to love both.”

We have got to do both. Hate has no room in our lives if we claim to follow Jesus. We need to make our lives about love. Love for God, love for each other and actually a love for ourselves.

Please join me in trying to love better. Loving those who look different than you do, loving those who act different than you do, loving those who believe different than you do, even loving those who don’t love you.

Because I’m pretty sure when God said to love your neighbor as yourself, he meant it.  Love the people you can see, it’s a great place to start.

Doubts

I just finished up reading the book, Evolving in Monkey Town, by Rachel Held Evans and I’m so glad I did. Rachel Held Evans is a blogger/author that I really enjoy reading and sometimes I feel like she’s writing the thoughts right out of my head, other times I feel like she’s articulating things I couldn’t articulate myself, other times I read something she writes and I’m unsure of it so I struggle with it and think about what it means for me, and other times she shares her experience and it brings tears to my eyes because I know I’m not alone.

Evolving in Monkey Town was the last one for me. It’s a story of Rachel’s faith journey and her experience with doubt. I would say our backgrounds are a little different, but her journey of faith and the doubt she experienced are very similar.

I feel like doubts are something you’re not supposed to talk about, so I haven’t. I feel like if I tell someone I doubt something about God or Christianity then they’re going to think I’m going to hell. I feel like if I talk about the fact that sometimes I’m unsure of what I thought I knew about God, people will discredit me. I feel like if I share what I really think about things and how over the last few years the world has faded from black and white to grey, people will “question my salvation”.

I don’t want to be seen as a cynic. I don’t want to appear to be unsure. I don’t want to be understood as someone who doesn’t believe in God.

Rachel says this and when she said, it echoed across my soul and mind because it’s exactly what I feel. I don’t doubt God…I doubt what I know and believe about God.

Through reading this book and other things, I’m coming to accept my doubt and I don’t think it’s a bad thing.

Because of my doubts my faith has become stronger.

Because of my doubts I’ve realized it’s okay to say, I don’t know.

Because of my doubts I have had to realize what I really do believe.

Because of my doubts I have developed an openness I didn’t have before.

Because of my doubts I’ve realized this thing of following Christ and choosing to love Him and because of that love to love others well is a journey, always evolving, and there’s always more to discover. More to discover about the mystery God, the person of Jesus, more to discover about myself, others, and God’s creation.

I’m not ashamed of my doubts. I don’t have this whole faith thing figured out. It kinda worries me when people think they do. I don’t want to ever think I have it all figured out or know it all. I never want to stop asking questions.

Because I believe in a God that invites our questions, can handle our doubts and wants us to keep moving forward. 

Some MLK Day Thoughts...

Today is a day where we remember Martin Luther King Jr. and all of the good that he did. I am thankful that there is a day to honor a great man who fought hard for justice. One thing I do often is revisit different things Martin Luther King Jr. has said and I thought it would be timely to share them here!

“Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.”

“The ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy”

 “…I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word”

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere”

“The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice.”

It’s nice to read quotes and memorialize a man who did such great work, but it can’t just stop at that and I think we forget that too easily. In an interesting article about streets named after MLK it says this, “There’s a way in which the process of memorialization is sometimes the first step in collective forgetting. We name our monuments, we name our streets, and they’re meant to do the work of memory for us.” That's not how it should be.

I think this is a great day to remember a great man, but also a day to remember how much work we still have to do. How much work we still have to do in bringing about economic justice, racial justice and equality. People say it’s gone and that we’re all equal, but we’re not..just take a stroll through your city, talk to a teacher about the roadblocks in the education system, ask an undocumented teenager about their dream to go to college and how it may never happen, think about how I can get pulled over in my community and asked, “why are you in this neighborhood” but my African-American friends seem to get pulled over for no reason at all, read the news to hear about things like how Philadelphia choose to close 23 public schools, but build a $400 million prison, read The New Jim Crow…the list could go on and on. The world is broken, we are broken and it can be hard not to get overwhelmed by it all, but we have to keep moving forward. Keep moving forward on a road towards justice, peace, reconciliation, restoration and equality.

Like Martin Luther King Jr. said, “Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter.” So don’t stay silent. Remember to take a stand for what is right, dare to dream the world can be a better place and do your damndest to make it happen.

25 Things.

It's become a tradition to write this post each year and I love it. It gives me a chance to think about the last year and what all has happened...specifically 25 things that have happened in my 25th year of life. This year was a pretty big one.  So...here are 25 things that have happened in year 25.

1. I bought a house. This is kinda a big one so I thought it could go first. Technically it's more like a town home than a "house", but I bought it and I love it. It worked out with perfect timing and it is becoming home.

2. I started grad school. Also kinda a big one so figured it should be #2. I began the Masters of Urban Studies program at Eastern University and I have loved it! It has been really hard to learn how to balance working full time, having a life and doing school, but I'm working on it. The whole having a life part needs some work, but I love to learn and working towards my masters degree has been really empowering for me.

3. I started running. Never in my life would I think I would write those words, but they're true! I ran two 5K's and I think I've had my fill of those. Hear more about that here.

4. I realized how much I love hospitality and learned it's not always comfortable and can remove you from your comfort zone but that's kinda the point and it's great. I love having people in my home and making them feel at home!

5. Got a tatto. I absolutely love my tattoo and the daily reminder that it is to me each and every day.

6. Read some great books. One of my favorites was Jesus Feminist by Sarah Bessey.

7. I lost some really great people. We lost my Aunt Pam this year unexpectedly. Nothing can quite prepare you for that, but her life was celebrated and I am lucky to have been loved by such a great lady! One of our older neighbors, Miss Hattie passed away this year too. She lived a full life and I'm happy I was able to know her.

8. I discovered and realized some new things that are life giving to me and I'm excited to explore them more this next year.

9. I gained confidence in ways I never thought would happen.

10. I continued to experience deep and full friendships. I am so thankful for the friends that I have in my life and how they walk with me through life. I also have met new friends through my program at Eastern and they are just some of the best people.

11. I had the opportunity to speak on a panel at Trevecca which made me realize I love talking about things that matter and that could move people more towards joining in on kingdom work and tearing down ignorance and unawareness.

12. I took the longest solo road trip of my life from Nashville to Michigan to Philly and back to Nashville. It wasn't the worst thing I've ever done, but I wouldn't really want to do it again.

13. I figured out that eliminating decision making when possible is life giving to me so I'm making some habits and practices that help with that.

14. Bought a new TV and a new hutch and coffee table that I love!

15. Realized I need to let my life be ruled by reality and not by my expectations.

16. Quit drinking real milk. Almond milk is the best.

17. I have been able to experience some of life's great moments with friends. Weddings, babies growing into toddlers, graduations, grad school beginnings, etc...

18. Realized life goes in seasons, relationships change, circumstances change and it's okay. I just need to take them as they come.

19. Another year of good travels! I visited new places like Philly, Washington DC and New Orleans. I like Philly, I absolutely loved DC, but New Orleans wasn't my favorite. I also got to visit Denver, go back to Michigan and Knoxville for some weddings and visit Florida with some of my family!

20. I have four TV shows that I absolutely love...New Girl, The Mindy Project, Scandal and Grey's Anatomy.

21. Realized how much I love reading random articles and learning about anything and everything. Following Huffington Post on Twitter has increased my daily article intake, maybe too much.

22. I rediscovered what I'm passionate about. It's changed  some over the last few years, but it's an exciting time! It's this feeling like I discovered a song in my soul and beliefs that reach deep into who I am.

23. I created a new chili recipe and it's actually pretty good.

24. Trying to find pleasure in the little things and when an experience may not be the greatest, making it better. On New Year's Eve Becca and I got stranded in Indiana because of snow and it could have been a terrible situation, but it ended up being a great time consisting of matching PJ's, Ben and Jerry and the movies.

25. I set new goals for myself and realized some long term ideas for my life. It's a balance living in the here and now and the not yet but I'm excited about both the right now and the what is to come. Living within this tension has become my way of life and I'm enjoying the ride.

Year 25 was pretty great. I experienced a lot, took some big and some little steps, learned a lot more about myself and have enjoyed life even with all of its ups and downs. Here is to a great year 26!

One word for 2014.

Last year I started picking a word for the year. This is different than a resolution because it's not made to be "kept" but rather to encompass all I want the year to be about. For 2013 my word was confidence. It was kinda crazy how 2013 really did end up being the year of confidence for me. I never thought choosing that word in January would be followed by so many opportunities to grow in who I am as a person. Just thinking over the year of all that's happened, how I started grad school, transitioned in my job and bought a house (just to name a few), and how I handled those all is a testament to why God placed that word on my heart. I could write pages and pages of how I've grown in my confidence in Christ and in myself this year. I've been thinking about my word for 2014 and a word keeps coming to mind that I can't shake no matter how badly I want to. I'm a little nervous committing to it because if 2013 was any indication of what could happen, I'm not sure what's in store. It may seem silly or dramatic, but prayerfully considering a word to make 2014 about has become a big deal for me. Words mean a lot to me so picking one that I can continually go back to and choose so I intentionally approach my year in a way that is beneficial to myself and my growth is important.

So...I've decided my word for 2014 is Unafraid. I wrote this a few months ago about being unafraid, not fully realizing what I was saying but knowing I had to move forward in a way that I am free from fear and anxiety. I have gained confidence in Christ, in myself and in others this past year and I think I now need to live into that confidence and keep on this journey unafraid...

Unafraid to fully live.

Unafraid to speak up when I know I should say something and stay silent when it's wiser to say nothing.

Unafraid to ask the hard questions.

Unafraid to embrace the doubts I have and explore them.

Unafraid to fully receive and give love.

Unafraid to pursue freedom from the things that weigh me down.

Unafraid to work hard.

Unafraid to make changes when they need to be made and accept the things that need to stay the same.

Unafraid to embrace my life for what it is and not what I think it should be.

Unafraid to be who I am rather than who I or anyone else thinks I should be.

Unafraid to challenge the status quo.

Unafraid to fail.

Unafraid to admit I don't have it all figured out and life isn't always black and white.

Unafraid to fully love God, myself and others.

So...my voice may shake, some days may be better than others, my over thinking mind may be asking my heart what the heck are you doing, people may disagree, mistakes will be made, but I will move forward in love and grace and I will be unafraid.