Dillon.

Dillon is one of the students in our After-school Program. He's five and so stinkin cute! Some things you learn about Dillon pretty quickly are that he can't sit still, he likes to sing, dance, and drum and he loves his baby sister. He is always moving. He broke his arm earlier this year, but that didn't stop him from playing or jumping off the stage regardless of the cast covering half his arm. I'm trying to intentionally find joy in each day and he brought me joy yesterday. Here is why (the end is the best):

If you can't understand him he's singing the song Boogie Fever from his favorite movie "Despicable Me". When you ask him what it's called he'll say, "The Cookie Robot Song"! Check out more pictures of him and all the other little blessings in my life at the Harvest Hands Facebook page. http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Harvest-Hands-Community-Development-Corp/156150057760320

Notes like this bring joy to my life too. They help me keep going when I don't always have the energy.

Fog.

So I just really wanted to write a blog, but when I sat down to type nothing would come out. Probably because my brain feels like this:

It's like there's a fog over me and my thoughts or any intelligent thoughts for that matter are struggling to break through. Probably because I'm sick and it feels like my head is going to explode, but also I've been feeling burdened by a lot lately. It seems like there's a lot going on around me in both people's lives who I know well and even those I don't know well.  So even though I have this haze over my brain, I think it's also a little nudge saying...why not stop writing about it and trying to think about it and analyze it (which I take way too much time doing) and take some time to lift these people who are going through so much up. So that's what I'll be doing...

But for a lighter note I'll leave you with this, that picture above is from my trip to Costa Rica this summer at the Volcano Poas and I also found this video. I didn't take it because I was too scared to let go of the rope to hold the camera but I did do down that exact zip line right before him...so scary yet so fun!

I guess this turned into writing a blog...

Doing nothing?

Tonight for the first time in awhile I just sat. I had the TV on and my computer out, but I wasn't quite paying attention. I actually did nothing and I felt bad about it. I kept having the urge to work or to call someone to go somewhere, but I didn't.  I talked on the phone with a few people which was great, but other than I can't say I did much.

When did I lose my ability to do nothing and enjoy it? I used to be able to just sit at home at night and watch tv and be completely content...maybe even borderline lazy by some standards...but now when I actually do that for the first time in weeks I feel bad about it and have to force myself to just sit. Where is the balance between being productive and being lazy? Why was it so hard for me to just make my mind, body, and soul stop?

I feel like the energizer bunny these days...I just keep going and going and going...

**on a completely random note, I'm seeing The Civil Wars in concert tomorrow...so excited! If you haven't heard them before (the 3 of you that read this) you should listen to them! They're pretty great**

Time.

Time is a funny thing. Sometimes we waste it, sometimes we enjoy it, sometimes we wish there was more of it and sometimes we wish it would stand still. I can't even count the times I thought to myself if only there were 27 hours in a day or I wish I could fast forward to ... (fill in the blank).

I've come to realize time is a gift. Each moment I'm alive is a gift and I have the choice on how to spend this time each day. Will I wish it away? Will I worry? Will I be joyful? Do I spend it by myself or do I call up a friend and spend it with them? Do I sleep? Do I go work out? What's the balance between having time to yourself, others, work, friends, church, etc.

I don't know why it's become such a heavy subject on my mind lately. Maybe because I have had more thoughts lately of wishing there was more time in the day and realizing when I do have time away from things I don't have to be doing (which doesn't happen a whole lot), I'm not sure how to spend it.

How can we be good stewards of our time? What does it look like to be a good steward of time? I truly believe that how we spend our time shows what's important to us. I've felt so exhausted lately that I don't feel like I've been a good steward of the extra time in my day. There's always something at the end of the day I could have done instead...why didn't I call to catch up with that person? why didn't I work harder on that project for work? why didn't I wake up to work out? It goes on and on...

I want my life to reflect the fact that I cherish time as a gift and that I am a good steward of the time that I have.  I want to be intentional with how I live and how I spend my time...

This is filled with a lot of questions and uncertainty because really...I'm just not sure.

Nudge.

I have always thought the word nudge was funny. Random I know but I'm going somewhere with this.

Since I've been back to Nashville since Christmas I haven't felt too joyful. I am calling them the post holiday blues. I felt like after coming off a great time during the holidays I just came back to ordinary life and didn't have much to look forward to. While I would mention these "blues" and have my "woe is me" conversations with people I always felt something inside me gently tugging the words back that so easily left my lips...you could call it a nudge.

I was sitting at my kitchen table one morning thinking about what I could plan for my next thing to look forward to. With the limited funds I have and limited extended time I wasn't quite sure where to start. And then I felt it again...nudge.

Now...this nudge was getting a little obnoxious. I just wanted to wallow in my "blues" and find something to take my mind off the fact nothing too exciting was happening, but the nudge would not go away. 

I sat there and thought about how I do like my life. I'm blessed with a job I love, people who love me and lift me up, relationships to pour into, a God who doesn't give up on me,  and I continue to learn more about myself each day. And then the nudge became more like a smack in the face.

Why wasn't this enough? Why did I need to look to the next exciting thing? It's like a still small voice whispered across my soul..."this is what's exciting. life. love. work. people. getting to know yourself. laughing. finding the joy in every morning you wake up, every child you have a conversation with, every smile you receive, and even every meeting you have to sit through."

We are called to be people of JOY and to be present in the moment. This doesn't mean I'll be "happy" all the time, but I will have joy. I have a reason to wake up and enjoy each day because it's a gift. God has given us time and we must be good stewards of it. It's not meant to be wished away and dissolved by "the next best thing".

So because of this nudge I have set a goal. I have a calendar that I've committed to writing a Joy from the day on it. I refuse to go through a day without stopping to see where God has worked and I don't want to take for granted any more the time I have.

So as weird as the word nudge may be to me...I am so thankful that God used a nudge to lead to a smack in the face to remind me of this truth and the Joy I cannot forget to have.