"I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ" - Ghandi

I've been thinking a lot lately about the way Christ lived. Nothing he did was normal. Nothing he did "fit in" or was the cool and trendy thing to do. And why do we as Christians who proclaim to worship Jesus and say we're followers of Christ look nothing like him? It's a convicting statement if you really think about it. Part of this vent is stemming from the constant questioning about my life and career choice and when the next chance I'll have to be promoted or when people say, "Wait...how much do you make?" or "Abby, why do you think that's important, that's just the way it's meant to be"?? Jesus didn't do everything that was popular and quite honestly his life and actions were pretty much always counter cultural and backwards.

This hit me again today at church when we were singing In Christ Alone and the line says, "Here in the death of Christ...I Live", that doesn't make sense...because Christ died I live, but that just seems to be the way He works. And it made me remember this passage from the book Compassion:
"Thus we are deeply disturbed by a God who emobodies a downward movement. Instead of striving for a higher position, more power, and more influence, Jesus moves, as Karl Barth says, from the "heights to the depth, from victory to defeat, from riches to poverty, from triumph to suffering, from life to death" Jesus' whole life and mission involve accepting powerlessness and revealing in this powerlessness the limitlessness of God's love."

So let's move from being people who admire and worship this Christ we claim to follow, but look nothing like him and become people who look like this Christ we love so that through us His Glory can be revealed and his Kingdom can come on earth as it is in Heaven. Please.

I like my life.

So I've decided I like my life. If you would have asked me that a week ago I probably wouldn't have said the same thing, but I think I'm moving past the transition time and finally feeling more settled. Last week I really struggled with being out of school, having a different schedule, just going to work and coming home, not sure where to spend my free time, and feeling lonely.

I don't have all this figured out necessarily, but I have it figured out more I guess you could say. It is just a time of change and transition and I'm trying to look at the positive side of it. I'm embracing the solitude and am starting to enjoy the time I have to myself. I just started reading Reaching Out by Henri Nouwen (great recommendation Jake!) and he addresses the issue of solitude and isolation which has been really helpful. Those are my two biggest issues in this whole transition time, but I'm starting to see how this can be a good.

Anyway, not sure if all that made sense, but I feel like I'm finally in a good place to post a blog that wouldn't sound like a pity party. I'm happy with my life right now. I love my job, I love where I live, I'm seeing old friends and making new ones, I'm going to a new church, and learning more about who I am each day. So yes...I like my life.

Change.

Change. Do I love it or do I hate it? Ya know...I'm not really sure. I almost think I can label how I feel about change a love hate relationship. Sometimes I love it and sometimes I hate it and a lot of times I've been resistant to it. Although, I can't deny every time a change does occur in my life it's always a growing and shaping experience, which is in the end whether I loved it or hated it, good.

A lot of change has happened in my life lately:
1. I'm no longer a college student.
2. I have a full time job.
3. I have bills due every month.
4. Going home felt more like I was just visiting.
5. Nashville truly has become my home away from home.
6. New friendships and people are entering my life.
Just to name a few...

All these things have been difficult and a weird transition at times and I'm still getting used to it but there's always an upside to change and somethings that remain the same, which is why I'm choosing to look at the positive side of things and to no longer be resistant to change:

1. I'll still miss college life and the schedule but every season needs to come to an end and I can choose to look at the good times to come.
2. I love love love my full time job and am so blessed to have it.
3. Umm...still working on the positive side of this...maybe teaching me responsibility?
4. Home will always be home.
5. Weird that I can finally say this (this just shows the power of God! haha) but at the same time so thankful I'm able to live and serve in a place that I've come to love.
6. I love new friends, but I'm also so thankful for my faithful friends that have been there through all the change.

:)

Insecure.

I'll admit it, I'm insecure sometimes...or a lot of the time. I'm also terrified of failing and I've realized those two things seem to go along great in my life. I've always seemed to lack the confidence everyone has always told me I should have.

I've been struggling with this insecurity and confidence a lot lately because I've been scared at failing at my current job and all I want to do is be good at it and for everything to go great. It has been pointed out to me over and over again by others, things I've been reading, and even Church this morning that I just need to be confident. I have the skills needed to do well in life and I have the passion for this job so I am fully capable and most importantly I have the power of Christ in my life.

I've been realizing lately my potential and I'm slowly but surely finding my confidence through Christ. I've been spending more time in the quiet of God's presence and immersing my mornings in scripture and it's amazing how much of a difference that makes. I've also been reminded that God doesn't use perfect people. If he had perfect people to work with then where would His glory shine through?

My prayer is that more and more each day I would realize God can work through my weaknesses and He can shine through my inadequacies and failures. I need to trust more. I need to realize I am a daughter of the King and Creator of the Universe and I have him in me. When I think on those things how can my confidence not soar?