An Update on My Life

Well it's been awhile since I've blogged...I've sat down a few times to write and just nothing would come out. But I thought an update on my life would be easy to write, for those of you who I haven't had a chance to share with!

A bit of a disclaimer...if you were to tell me a year ago that I would be in the place where I am right now I would not have believed you. It is just a testament to how God works and how when you ask Him for something he always shows up...maybe not in the way you would ever expect but of course it's always the best.

I was a little stressed at the beginning of this year about what I was going to do when I graduated. I started researching different volunteer programs and opportunities in other cities and countries, but then I attended the CCDA (Christian Community Development Association) conference in October. This was where my eyes were opened to what Community Development was really about and God started revealing to me that my heart was truly for community development in the city and He was going to use me there. There my search narrowed down to city work. Well who would have thought my job with the social work department would have led me to hearing about Harvest Hands Community Development here in Nashville, which is located right next to Trevecca in a lower income neighborhood.

I asked if I could intern with them this semester and they said yes. Harvest Hands does a lot of different things, but a main focus is their after school program for kids and youth and their mentoring program for youth. They also have businesses where the girls make soap and the boys coffee. Here is more info at www.harvesthandscdc.com. We also have a community lunch once a week and are starting to get into affordable housing. I love building these relationships and I'm especially loving being involved in the WOW! mentoring program!

My time there has been incredible and such a blessing. I feel very honored to be working with the people there and they have already taught me so much and allowed me to experience doing really my "dream job" working in Community Development. I've been hired as their head intern for their summer program they do for the kids so it looks like I'll be staying in Nashville! I have a lot of work and planning ahead of me but I'm very excited about it! I love being at Harvest Hands. I'll more than likely be signing a year lease here in Nashville in July hopefully in the neighborhood where Harvest Hands is so I'm here for awhile...which was the last thing I ever thought would happen.

I'm not sure what's to come in August when the summer program at Harvest Hands is done, but I'm not worrying about it...I've done enough of that. God knows what's going to happen and I'm just going to trust Him with those plans. Thanks all for your prayers for me and this journey I'm on!

Procrastination...

1. I've come to realize that my job... is to love God and then love others.

2. I've come to realize that when I'm driving...I need to be more patient with the Tennessee drivers that don't know how to drive!

3. I've come to realize that I need...community.

4. I've come to realize that I have lost...my pneumonia.

5. I've come to realize that I hate it when...people are inconsiderate.

7. I've come to realize that money...is dumb and I wish it wasn't necessary.

8. I've come to realize that certain people...don't realize their potential.

9. I've come to realize that I'll always...be at least a little bit of a people pleaser and a little bit too sensitive.

10. I've come to realize that my sisters...are wonderful and a blessing.

11. I've come to realize that my mom...is my closest confidant and best friend.

12. I've come to realize that my cell phone...is always near me and I wish I didn't depend on it as much.

13. I've come to realize that when I woke up this morning...I was very thankful to feel rested.

14. I've come to realize that last night before I went to sleep...sometimes you just have to let certain things go and there's only so much you can do.

15. I've come to realize that right now I am thinking...I need to go to bed and I have a lot of homework I'm not sure when it's going to get done.

16. I've come to realize that my dad...has always been there when I needed him.

17. I've come to realize that when I get on Facebook...I know I'll spend too much time on it.

18. I've come to realize that today...i had a great time with great friends.

19. I've come to realize that tonight...was fun!

20. I've come to realize that tomorrow...is a super full day and the start of a very busy week!

21. I've come to realize that I want to...have the opportunity to make a difference in the world.

22. I've come to realize that the person who is most likely to repost this is...no one.

23. I've come to realize that music...is something that I love and would be very hard for me to live without.

24. I've come to realize that this weekend...I'm going home!!!

25. I've come to realize that marriage...is something I look forward to.

26. I've come to realize that my friends...make me happy.

27. I've come to realize that this year...has been different then expected and the busiest I've ever had but has been wonderful at the same time.

28. I've come to realize that I love...how God has a way of working things out.

29. I've come to realize that I don't understand...why certain things happen and people make the choices that they do.

31. I've come to realize my past...has shaped me into who I am today.

32. I've come to realize that parties...are fun...well depending on what is happening at them.

33. I've come to realize that I'm totally terrified of...dying without making a difference...oh and living in the suburbs and living a comfortable and complacent life.

34. I've come to realize that life...is a gift and I need to live each day to the fullest!

Oh What to do...

So it's about the time in the year when I decided I wanted to figure out what I was going to do when I graduated. I thought to myself at the beginning of the semester that at Christmas I would figure out what to do with my life. Well...that's not looking too promising. I'm not stressed out or worrying about it but more than anything I just want to know.

I've learned this semester more about discernment and I've been praying a prayer of indifference, praying that God would help me not to care where I go and make my desire to follow Christ's call on my life and make love my primary calling in life be my motivater in where I go and what I do...not make a decision based on what I want to do or what is most fun or easy.

So since I really do have this mindset of indifference I don't know where to go from here. I have some options and there are some possibilities falling into place possible but I still struggle with fear and really knowing which options are the best...so instead of making this break one of finality and decisions I am going to be seeking. Searching God's heart and will so that no matter what decision I make I know God will be pleased with me since my heart is seeking His and my desire is that no matter where I go or what I do Christ will be reflected in me, love will be shown and I'll be in a place where I can better his Kingdom.

So much going on...

I feel like my mind is mush. Today is the first day in weeks that I've actually been able to stop and think about anything really. I've been going nonstop and it's so nice to just stop. It's also been difficult because things I've avoided thinking about are creeping into my mind. I guess God has been trying to tell me things all semester and I haven't been willing to listen and have totally missed the connections.

I've changed and grown a lot this semester. It may be in ways that no one else can see but myself and that's okay. It's things that needed to happen and that are shaping me. I am finally allowing the walls that I've put up around myself to be torn down. I'm starting to realize that I am worth it and I do have worth..if not in anyone elses eyes I do in God's and that is all the worth I need. I'm starting to actually give myself credit and realize no matter how anyone else makes me feel that I am worth it. I don't know how to explain this exactly without making myself look conceited but I guess I can say I have found my self-confidence in Christ and it's about time. :)

It's still a journey...and I know there will be times I fall and doubt but this is the first and most important step and it's the foundation of what I need to continue living my life the way I think Christ is calling me...but it is a journey so we'll see where I go.

That's just one part of the mush in my brain...so hopefully more entries are to come.

What is Compassion?

I've always considered myself a compassionate person. I could "feel" with people and I would sympathize with people. However, after reading the book Compassion for one of my classes my eyes have been opened to what it really means.

Compassion literally means to "suffer with". It doesn't mean to "bend toward the underprivileged from a privileged position; it is not reaching out from on high to those who are less fortunate below; and it is not a gesture of sympathy or pity for those who fail to make it in the upward pull."

I think I've spent a lot of my life like this; something always made me pull away and not get close enough. I would be sad and get angry by the girls situations at Baby Girls Club or by hearing a homeless man's story but honestly a part of me always kept distance and thought "I just feel so bad for them."

But not anymore...I think I've said before be careful what you pray for...I prayed that God would help me show true compassion and would break my heart for what breaks his...

Today at Baby Girl's I heard a girls story. She's 15, her mom is 28. She's the oldest of 8 kids. She's basically their mom. She was a product of her mother being raped at 13. I can't just hear that anymore and say I'm sorry that's too bad...because I know I'm called to more. I want to get to know her more and hear more about her and let her know someone is suffering with her. I can't live or love just reaching down anymore.

"Compassion means going directly to those people and places where suffering is most acute and building a home there. God's compassion is total, absolute, unconditional, without reservation. It is the compassion of the one who keeps going to the most forgotten corners of the world, and who cannot rest as long as there are still human beings with tears in their eyes. It is the compassion of a God who does not merely act as a servant, but who expresses the divinity of God through servanthood."