A letter to my younger self.

Life is hard. That's normal and it's okay. Trying to figure out why it's hard isn't really worth it. Just know that things that are hard are usually worth it. Life is worth it.

Your thoughts and feelings may not always match what people say you should think or feel. Your goals and desires may not look like how others define success.

You may see things reflected in the world around you or in the church about how women should be and it makes you scratch your head because you and many of the women you know don't fit in those boxes. Constantly, you'll hear, you should, you should, you should ... but you don't have to listen to it.

That urge you have to shrink down in your seat, to cross your arms, to hunch over, to withdraw to the corner or apologize for taking up space is going to be there, but you don't have to listen to it.

That immediate response you have to apologize when someone bumps into you or when you stumble over your words will be on the tip of your tongue, but you don't have to say it.

You don't have to be anything or check off the should boxes.  You never have to make yourself small. You never have to apologize for taking up space.

You were meant to live big. To live into your gifts and into your strengths. When people stay true to themselves and live into who they were created to be...that's big and that's powerful.

You carry a lot of shame and that makes you feel small.

Shame knows no boundaries. It eats at our souls and constantly makes us believe we're not enough. But we don't have to listen to it.

Shame makes us believe something is wrong with us. That we are wrong. That we can't be who we are. But that's a lie.

Shame flourishes in the dark. It whispers that no one will understand, that we can't admit to this and we're the only one.

That's bullshit.

We are meant to be who we are.We are meant to take up space. We are not meant to be silent. We are meant to speak our truth.

So who should you be?

You should be you. Your full self with all of the messiness, anxiety, joy, love, anger, sadness, craziness, humor and personality that makes you, you.

You are powerful.

You are strong.

You are enough.

You can do hard things.

You can be brave.

So be who you are and by doing that you'll help others find the freedom and confidence to do the same.

Today I had a choice.

Life has been overwhelming lately. I don't always know what to do when it gets this way because it's overwhelmed with so many good things. I love what I'm learning in grad school, I enjoy doing my job, and it's so life giving to spend time with people, but it's reached a point where it's a lot. I have felt paralyzed with it all lately. So anxious about all there is to do, I feel like I can't do anything. This morning I realized I had a choice in how to deal with all this so I wrote a letter to myself (weird? Maybe...but it worked) Abby, you can choose to let anxiety and fear run your day or you can chose to let peace and wisdom run your day today. Stop being paralyzed by the anxiety you're allowing to creep into your life. Take a deep breath, remember you can't do this by yourself, choose to make this a productive day and take one thing at a time. Be flexible, be mindful, work hard, take deep breaths, and remember God has got you and wants to be the source you tap into for your strength. 

So after this little self-talk I decided to choose peace, to choose wisdom and to choose productivity and by the grace of God I made it through today. Everything there is to be done is still there, nothing has changed with my workload, but today I choose peace, wisdom and productivity and a peace that surpasses understanding is currently covering my life.

So be encouraged today friends, be encouraged that you're not alone. Be encouraged that you can choose peace. Be encouraged that a peace that surpasses understanding can cover your life too.