When where I am is not where you are.

My life looks nothing like I thought it would. I struggle with that sometimes. I don't know where we learn that our lives are "supposed" to look a certain way. I don't know why we think we need to take a measuring stick to other's lives and see where ours measures up. I don't know why we get so lost in the comparison game.

Blame it on social media, society, movies, friends, family, whatever it is, it's there...this feeling that maybe I'm not quite where I'm supposed to be, or those people over there really have it figured out. Sometimes I feel like there's a benchmark to meet. I look ahead and see everyone keeping up with the expectations and I'm just a little bit behind, always playing catch up.

I've had to let go of how I think my life should look. "Should" can be a dangerous word for me. It usually means I'm motivated by guilt or shame and those aren't the healthiest motivators.

I've had to let go of my measuring stick.  I can't look at life like a race or a competition where people are either ahead or behind me. Instead of choosing to see a line of people ahead of me and me trying to play catch up, I see people around me. Each in their own place, each with their own life, not ahead or behind me, but beside me. All in different places, all on different journeys, with not one being right and another wrong, but just being.

Because where I am is not where you are and that's okay. It's a beautiful thing actually. Everyone is on their own journey. Everyone is just living their story and like Shauna Niequist says, "With people, you can either connect or compare, but you can't do both." I can look at what others are doing, I can wonder what I need to do to get where I think I should be, or I can just let go and connect where I am and with those who I am lucky enough to be surrounded by.

So I'm choosing to let go of the shoulds in my life. I'm choosing to let go of the measuring sticks and the side-to-side glances calculating who I'm ahead of or behind. I'm choosing to connect instead of compare. I'm choosing to see people where they actually are. I'm choosing to look down instead of around, focusing on my journey and where I am rather than where I thought I should be.

With these choices I've found there's a whole lot of freedom to be had.

The Disconnect.

I’ve been reading Dr. Brenda Salter McNeil’s new book, Roadmap to Reconciliation, and it has been rocking my world. I came across one thing she said and it made me stop, "What we believe about God will tell us what we believe about people, and what we believe about people will tell us what kinds of communities and societies we believe we should strive to create."

This is it. This truth is why I get so passionate about justice issues, about equity, about any situation where someone's treated like their life is valued less. This is why it’s hard for me to understand why we don’t talk about the hard things and stand up for the right things in church. This is why it’s hard for me to believe someone who professes to follow Jesus can be racist, homophobic or turn a blind eye to such broken systems like our education and criminal justice systems.

Our theology informs everything we do, how we view people, the decisions we make, the causes we take up. Theology is just what we believe about God. If we really believe everyone was created in God's image then we would treat them like they did. If we really believed that God meant it when he said to love our neighbors and even our enemies...it would change how we treated others. If we really believed God meant it when he said to take care of widows and orphans or that he's on the side of justice...wouldn't we care more about justice? Wouldn't we believe we should be doing everything we can to bring more love into the world and help create a place that affirms that image of God in others? If we believed God created the earth and all that inhabits it and declared it good, why wouldn’t we help steward that and care for it well?

I think we’ve allowed a disconnect to happen between what we believe about God, what we believe about people and what kind of communities we should strive to create. We don’t see how they’re connected. We lose sight of how our theology should shape how we treat people and if your theology involves following Jesus it should be rooted in one thing…love.

This is why it matters that we stand and declare that #blacklivesmatter because we recognize that for too long they’ve been treated like they don’t. Because my theology professes that each human is stamped with the image of God and that no life matters more than another. So I should be outraged and broken over the fact that there are too many examples of how white lives matter more. I can't turn a blind eye to that.

This is why it matters that we stand and declare that refugees should be welcome here or that our goal isn't to isolate ourselves from "outsiders." No amount of American exceptionalism should trump our theology. Because what we believe about God will tell us what we believe about people  and what we believe about people will tell us about what kinds of communities we believe we should create…and I’m pretty sure Jesus said to welcome the stranger and to not neglect showing hospitality to strangers. If we believe everything else he says…we can’t ignore the things that make us uncomfortable.

I’m tired of living in a world of disconnect. I ache over the lack of shalom in our world, but I believe there’s a better way. I believe God is love. I believe God created each of us in his image, therefore declaring that we have value, worth and that we belong. Everyone. No questions. No exceptions. I believe God is on the side of the oppressed and on the side of justice. I believe God has shown us what kinds of communities and societies we should strive to create when we pray your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth as it is in heaven. We should strive to create communities and societies where everyone is welcome and loved. Where grace is shown and kindness is a universal language. Where the table is big enough for everyone. Where we are peacemakers and we remember that we belong to each other. Where we live into the truth that God loves us and out of the overflow of that love we are able to love each other.

I believe in a world built on connection, where the disconnect is no longer present because we remember that what we believe about God tells us what we believe about people and what we believe about people tells us what kind of communities we should strive to create.

And if it all starts with what we believe about God well...God is love.

I see my story in your story.

A couple of months ago I went to a women's networking event at a conference and I wasn't sure what to expect. What happened exceeded my expectations. About twelve of us gathered in a hotel conference room, the facilitators wanted to create a space for women engaged in ministry to come together and share their stories. It became even more than that, it became a thin place. A moment where it seemed like there was just a thin curtain between heaven and earth.

The oldest woman in the group started with her story. A small painting sat at the head of the table, a painting of a small African American girl standing in a field with butterflies. While sharing her story, this woman said, I see myself in that picture. She went on to explain her life growing up in the deep south, her experience with the Civil Rights Movement and how she still sees slavery today, it just looks differently. Every sentence she spoke dripped with wisdom. She saw her story in the girl in the painting.

While another woman shared her story, everything she said deeply resonated with me. Her journey and season of life was so similar to mine, I actually couldn't believe it. Even a song she referenced that had been a lifeline for her in this season was the same song that had been a lifeline for me. I saw my story in her story.

This same woman talked about a business she was trying to start and when she said the name of it, the oldest woman said, "That has been my secret name for God all my years..." without any hint of surprise. They saw one another in each other's story. 

Another woman shared her story. A hard story of trauma and abuse that has led to confusion about where she should go and what she should do. She shared her deep hurt, but also her hopes and dreams. There was not a dry eye in the room while she shared. Tears flowed freely because everyone there acknowledged the depth of her pain and the vulnerability it took to let us in on her journey. It was a privilege for us to be entrusted with her story. After she shared, the same wise woman turned to her, looked her right in they eye and said, "I see my story in your story."

Looking in from the outside, one would see our group gathered and think most of us had nothing in common. We differed in age, race, socio-economic level, background, life stage, dress...it seemed our differences outnumbered our similarities. Yet, we could turn to each other and say, I see my story in your story. 

Wow. What powerful words. Sharing your story is a powerful thing. Making space to hear someone else's story is a powerful thing - it allows glimpses into another's soul. It makes us more human. It allows us to remember that we're all connected and that we all have been stamped with the image of God. We too easily forget that.

For when you want to quit people...

Sometimes I write letters to myself. It may be unusual, but it works for me and unfortunately I have the tendency to need to hear things over and over again for them to stick. These letters help me remember and I just read them when I need a gentle reminder. This is one of those notes...written at a time where I couldn't easily escape people, there was a lot going on and I wasn't doing a great job of taking care of myself to make sure I could handle it all well. I'm pretty sure I wrote it after having a breakdown and crying myself into a thirty minute or so nap and upon waking up promptly decided I needed to move to a deserted island because surely life would be easier and less exhausting living in a beautiful place and being by myself (that's usually how my breakdowns work, just in case you were wondering).

Dear Abby,

I know what you're thinking...life would be easier living on a deserted island. By yourself. With no one around. No one else to consider, no one else there to feel their emotions, no one else to take away your plans and your control, no one to have to forgive, no one to have to let in. You just want to quit people because it seems like that'll make it all easier. Let your mind go there for a few minutes, have your meltdown and pity party and then come back to me. I'll wait.

Alright. Feel better? Now let's get real. You need people. You know this so I want to remind you of some things when you're feeling like you just want to quit people.

First, you start to feel this way when you're not taking care of yourself. When you're overtired, when you're stressed, and...when you're around people too much. You need to take time alone, you need to take care of your soul, your body, and your mind. Remember how much you love to tell people about the importance of self-care? Let's try that whole practice what you preach and love yourself thing and do that, okay?

Second, really think about what life would be like without your people, without your tribe. How would you have ever made it through, well, anything? How would you have made it through those really hard times without the people that called you every day or saw you every day to make sure you were okay? You knew someone was there because they know you need people, even if you think you don't. Think about the times your belly has hurt so bad from laughing and the joy you felt in those moments. Think about all the times you just knew there was a God that loved you because of all the amazing people that have been brought into your life. Think about these things.

Third, when you feel this way you start withdrawing from people. And again, a reminder, you need people. Get your alone time, give some TLC to your introverted side and then get back out there. You do not become a hermit! I know it's what you think you want and that it would be easier, but trust me, it's not. Turn to others. Remember the beauty and satisfaction you get from deep relationships and from being known. Talk to a friend, spend time with your people and remember that life is better together.

We on the same page now? Good. Now go call someone just because, text someone to get together or write an encouraging letter to a friend because when you want to quit people, you need to use that as a reminder of how much you need them.

27 Things.

Well, it's that time again...when I look back over the year and think about what I've learned, what I remember, what was good, what wasn't so good and I share it with you (or if no one reads it, really just to document it for myself...it's like an easy, electronic scrapbook). This is also known as my birthday tradition. I love making a list about the things I've learned or things that have happened in my last year of life. It makes me more grateful and helps me not to forget. So in honor of my last day of being 27, here are 27 things from year number 27. 1) I graduated with my Master's in Urban Studies, with a Community Development focus from Eastern University in May. It was a lot of hard, hard work and a lot of time and tears poured into my thesis, but it was worth it and I'm so glad I did it.

2) It was a year of hard stuff. It was definitely a year of brokenness and I would say a phrase that encompasses my last year could be, "Life is not easy, but you can do hard things and you are not alone." I've learned a lot about sitting in the brokenness.  I'm glad this year is over.

3) I always have to make a point about the TV shows I loved this year. I got hooked for a little bit on Supernatural thanks to Betsy and Ryan, Jenn and I watched all the seasons of Criminal Minds, and I loved the new shows Quantico and Blind Spot. If I mention anymore I'll start feeling embarrassed with how much TV I can watch.

4) The quickest way to my heart is through words, books and flowers.

5) Jenn and I almost got a dog, but then we didn't.

6) Another good year of travels and time spent with so many fun, wonderful people. I went to New Orleans for a bachelorette party, Philly twice, Gatlinburg (my first solo trip/vacation/escape to write my thesis), Michigan a couple times, Chicago, Iowa, Florida and Seattle. All good times!

7) I submitted a workshop proposal to present at the Christian Community Development Conference (CCDA) and it got accepted! I did my workshop in November about "Creating a Culture of Self-Care Within your Organization" and it was awesome. I loved it. I hope I get to do it again!

8) I am deep into my bones and into my soul grateful for how people showed up for me this year. If I start thinking about it for too long I'll start to cry.

9) I attended the Justice Conference in Chicago with Becca and ran into some other great friends while I was there. I highly recommend this conference to everyone.

10) I realized how much I really hate blowing out birthday candles.

11) We had our first annual Friendcation in Michigan and it was so great and so full of life and just so fun.

12) I learned that No can be a complete sentence.

13) I read so many good books this year and I got to be on the launch team for two books by two of my favorite authors! A few of the great books I read: Simply Tuesday by Emily p. Freeman, Out of Sorts by Sarah Bessey, Searching for Sunday by Rachel Held Evans, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and so many more! I re-read the Harry Potter series too...always a good choice.

14) I thought I was going to get Lasik but then realized I can't afford it so I transitioned out of my "sleep at night and they shape your eyes for the day contacts" into normal contacts...anyway that's a long and oversharing way of basically saying, I got new glasses and I love them!

15) I learned lots of deep lessons, one line for a few of them would be: How to be brave. How sometimes balance can be achieved, but usually not. How sharing your story releases you from shame. How anxiety truly affects my life. How to pay attention to what makes me cry. How I need to be kinder to myself. How exhausting job hunting is. How sometimes it's just about doing the right next thing. How it's a discipline to unlearn.

16) I left my job with Harvest Hands. It was really hard and was not something I was planning or anticipating, but through it all I learned more about what it means to be obedient to what you know you're supposed to do and seeing how God is faithful.

17) I started two new great jobs! I'm doing contract grant writing for a non-profit here in Nashville called St. Luke's Community House and working part-time for an awesome marketing company called Blue Kite Marketing.

18) I realized I have this habit of always opening my shower curtain because I'm afraid someone is hiding in there. Don't ask me what I would do if when I open it, someone was actually hiding there. (I watch too much Criminal Minds)

19) There were lots of exciting times for my friends and family! Jonah turned 1, my sister got engaged, a couple friends bought houses, a few more got married and lots are expecting babies. So many reasons to celebrate, I love it!

20) I learned you can make more than one list on the iPhone's Reminder App. I probably should have known this a long time ago, but it has revolutionized my life.

21) I started going to a yoga class. I guess this counts even though it happened this week. So....so far, so good?

22) I also started seeing a spiritual director this year. Probably, actually most definitely, one of the best decisions I've ever made. A spiritual director is basically someone who walks alongside you and helps you be intentional and pay attention to what God is doing in your life.

23) I found another peace place in Nashville. I visited Radnor Lake a lot these last couple months. Being around water and trees is good for my soul.

24) Melody graduated!! This is a big deal and I was so excited when I watched her walk across that stage!

25) I have become obsessed with podcasts. I listen to them in the car, when I'm cleaning, when I'm cooking, when I just need some peace and lay on the floor to listen...you get the picture. Some of my favorites are: The Sorta Awesome Podcast, Personality Hacker, Serial, Hidden Brain, Pop Culture Happy Hour and Magic Lessons with Elizabeth Gilbert.

26) I've realized how much I love personality tests. I've researched a lot of them this year. I'm an INFJ, Enneagram 2, Blue on True Colors, etc. I don't think personality tests are the say-all for who you are, but I think they're such good tools to understanding ourselves and others. And I think the world is a better place when we understand ourselves and try to understand others.

27) I still love being an aunt.

Here's to year number 28. May I continue to have reasons to be thankful, may I learn to love more deeply and show grace more freely, may I continue to learn how to sit in the brokenness and the knowledge I can't fix everything, may I soak in any time with family and friends that I get and may I remember that I can do hard things, I can grow where I am planted and that I am not alone.