So I used to be embarrassed about certain things about myself. Some things are silly habits or things I like or my personal opinions or just what I really think about God, life, politics, theology, sports, etc. I made sure only the "right" people knew certain things or told only the people I didn't think would judge me particular things...well I've grown up a lot over the last few years. One of my favorite quotes is from e.e. Cummings and it says, "It takes courage to grow up to become who you really are." I'm learning it's true, it does take courage.
It's a risk to show your true self to people. People may not like what they see, they may judge you, or they may disagree with your thoughts on an issue and you know...that's okay. It's exhausting and hard to be someone you're not. I've learned that the hard way. It's exhausting and hard to put a face on for all the different groups you're a part of and make sure you say the right things to the right people. I've learned that the hard way too. It's exhausting and hard to try and please everyone and make sure everyone else is always happy all the time. I've learned that the hard way too.
So...maybe I feel like it might be slightly therapeutic to confess to the world wide web some of these silly habits or things I like or my personal opinions, or maybe I'm just dumb for thinking anyone wants to read these confessions, but hey, it's my blog. I'll do what I want.
Confession #1: I have no self-control when it comes to certain things including but not limited to...buying music off Amazon and iTunes, watching TV shows, biting my fingernails (this goes in spurts), reading the celebrity stories on people.com, the inability to stop reading a good book and staying up until 3 in the morning, and eating popcorn (it's just addicting once you start, you can't stop, ya know?).
Confession #2: Because of confession #1. I have to limit the amount of TV shows I let myself get into to. I currently have two, The Vampire Diaries and Scandal...and catching up on Jimmy Fallon on Hulu sometimes, and New Girl sometimes, and The Voice since that's back on now, well...okay you see? No self-control. Remember when I said I only told certain people things about me? Watching The Vampire Diaries used to be one of them, but now I just don't really care. Put your judgey eyes on...yes I enjoy watching the dramatic love triangle of the beautiful people of Mystic Falls.
Confession #3: I honestly think I can be pretty funny. Not everyone knows I'm funny, but when someone acknowledges it, it makes my day. My mom even texted me the other day..."you have gotten funnier over the years." (I know she's my mom, but still.) But seriously...laughing and making people laugh is one of my most favorite things.
Confession #4: I keep a love list. It's on my phone and anytime I do something or something happens that I just stop and realize I love, I write it down. Then I think about why I loved it and what about it felt so life-giving. You should try it.
Confession #5: I keep old letters and notes of encouragement and read them randomly. When I'm having a bad day or not feeling the best about myself I pull out old notes that I've kept throughout the years to remind myself I'm loved and I don't need to have a pity party for myself.
Okay, enough transparency for today. These are pretty silly, but now you know. Maybe I'll make this a regular occurrence or maybe not. I'm on a roll with blogging at the moment, which probably means I have two papers to write, three books to read and a discussion post to make...